Cultivating connection

By Kate Walton; Co-founder of Same Page Co. 

6 minute read

It is tough to argue against the notion that when our young people feel safe and secure in their environment, with their caregivers, they are ready to be their best and are optimised for learning. So, of course it makes sense that parents try to find opportunities to engage deeply with their child and promote those meaningful moments.These could be, for example, engaging in an activity filled with purpose, paying attention to emotions and finding small, dedicated moments to connect.

The next most visited environment our children spend their time in is school. We need our children to feel a strong sense of belonging to their classroom, the educators in the room and their peers. 

The research

In his prodigious research, Professor John Hattie studied the combined results of more than 50,000 studies and over 800 meta-analyses. He sought to explore the major influences on student achievement and to discover what made children thrive. He found that the greatest predictor of high levels of achievement were based on the individual aspect of the students, which included their prior knowledge, their health and wellbeing and what they knew about themselves as learners. After these individual factors, the second strongest influence on student success and academic achievement was the relationship between the student and their teacher. 

What it showed was the essential and vitally powerful role a teacher's connection with the student had and that this was just as impactful on performance as home, the school environment and social peer relationships combined. 

This strong bond between teacher and student is not only an important factor in academic achievement, it also has value in its contribution towards personal flourishing. 

Ask the questions

As a teacher myself, I take great pleasure in getting to know my students. Their likes, dislikes, their kind of humour, their personal strengths and what moments they need me most. The simplest and most effective way for me to do this is with conversation. A deep, rich conversation is always special but often unachievable in the schedule of a classroom day and with 20+ other students needing time. However, I have seen first hand the comfort that even a quick check in can achieve in strengthening the student teacher bond. This can be as simple as stealing a few minutes in the morning, as a student walks in the door and asking how yesterday’s evening went. 

How was footy training last night? What has your new puppy been up to now? What was your new library book like? 

These questions are open, invite conversation and can also follow on from earlier chats that you have had with the student. They show a student that you care and you are interested in who they are. In other words they create connection.

As a mother, my biggest want is for my children to feel security and safety with their teachers. Almost half of their awake time each day is spent at school. I need them to feel happy, validated, settled and safe. What we also know from the research is that when children feel like this they are ready to do more; they are open to ideas, they can engage and they ultimately learn better..  

The perfect example of deep connection in action

At a recent school drop off for my kindergarten aged daughter, her teacher stopped me to say ‘thank you’. I had recently sent through a very brief email outlining our family’s recent trip out on a bushwalk. I sent a picture of one of her first independent attempts to write her name in the sand and how proud she was of her efforts. I wrote a quick sentence for each of the three photos and thanked the teachers for the love of learning they were instilling in her. It was simple, took me all of 2mins and it proved to be  a great chance for my daughter and teacher to strike up a conversation about her recent activities. 

However, I almost didn’t hit send. I worried that the teachers time was too precious and I was overstepping by sharing memories outside of school that were uninvited and not for the purpose of a school project or part of homework. I hit send anyway. This teacher expressed her gratitude for sharing our special memories outside of school and for the thanks I had passed on. She commented that this meant something to her and that it was such a shame that more parents didn’t share in the same way with them. 

It was the simplest act, sending a quick photo and caption through but its value was endless. It offered my daughter’s  teachers the opportunity to connect with her and have a conversation that they otherwise would not have been able to do. It also provided validation to the teachers that what they do with our young people every day is impactful and meaningful - a great boost to their morale.

It made me stop and reflect on my teaching years. In all of my years as a teacher I probably only had a small handful of parents who avidly shared with me family moments, sent emails and updates and photos from home life adventures. And guess what? I had great connections with those students and their families. The connection created was strong enough that any tricky conversations about learning, friendships, persistence and failures were easier to have and more successful. It was obviously my job to connect with all my students regardless of this extra parent support, but it certainly made it easier. 

As parents, we constantly receive the message through the media that teachers are time poor, stressed, not paid enough, take on too much responsibility to ‘raise children’ and so it is no surprise that parents feel conflicted about how much or how little they keep in contact with their child's teacher. 

Teachers are also being delivered messages around setting their own boundaries and protecting their time, not to mention the emphasis and value placed on other educational outcomes. Therefore, it’s not shocking to understand why the rules are confusing; the messages we get are so mixed! None of us are quite sure about how much we should or should not connect. What is the expectation? If we pay attention to the research and even just what we see in the children in our lives, it becomes hard to ignore the fact that our kids are happier and healthier when they feel a deep sense of connection. So why wouldn’t we make this a priority?

How do you create change and cultivate connection?

If you are a teacher, imagine the power in sending out a message regularly in your communication to parents, inviting them to send any moments of interest - maybe a quick message in the diary about the weekend or emailing a photo? This would also encourage parents to see the power of cultivating strong connections. Send them the research. Don’t just ask for the photo, explain WHY you NEED it.

“If you have a few minutes to spare, please send in any photos or updates of your weekend together. It is a wonderful opportunity for me to welcome your child back into school in the morning, to spark up a conversation and re-connect. If we have something to chat about, it might even help ease any feelings around separation anxiety and help us have a really positive start to the week.”

If you are a parent, take the two minutes to quickly send the photo, or write the message. Remember this is an opportunity to ensure your child has the chance to feel safe and secure in their separation from you, onto their teacher. 

Once a week or fortnight, touch base in this way and you will see the lines of communication and connection between your child and teacher strengthen. As an added bonus, it will also provide you with a great opportunity to have a positive relationship with the teacher through your shared experiences.

“Dear Mrs Walton, We had so much fun out at the waterfalls on the weekend. There was so much conversation about living things which I know you have been doing in class. It was great to hear all of this learning out in the real world. Thank you!”